IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people are afraid to leave home because of crimes. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crimes, but others feel little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #home #crimes #believe #action
Many
people
 today commit crimes for different reasons,
for example
, for earning easy money or for showing their anger. I believe that we can take some measures to curb
crime
,
although
 tackling the root cause of
crime
 is not easy. There are many approaches we can adopt to deter
crime
.
For example
, the authorities can increase the visibility of police on the street, and if necessary, equip police officers with weapons, which can act as an effective deterrent. Another method is to use security cameras in public places since these devices can capture the images of criminals to help catch criminals and take them to court. These methods are particularly important in
crime
 hot spots, where crimes happen frequently.
However
, Some
people
 are not confident in the effectiveness of these measures to combat
crime
 because they believe that the economic slowdown and poverty are the primary causes of
crime
. Many companies have to downsize the workforce to cut the operating cost, and because of the high unemployment rate, some jobless
people
 have chosen to commit crimes
such
 as shoplifting, robberies, fraud and drug trading to get by.
This
 problem is widespread among those poorly educated
people
, who cannot find employment and are not aware of their legal responsibilities. In my view, education is another solution to
crime
,
although
 it may take time to see the impact of giving young
people
 more educational opportunities. If they attend school, they would realise that violence, drug trade and theft are all illegal.
Similarly
, schools or communities can provide vocational training to help them to acquire skills
such
 as bookkeeping and culinary skills which can open the door to job possibilities. They would not make money outside laws, as long as they can find employment and have a steady source of income.
Submitted by Welkin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: