IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is it a positive development or negative one?

Mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are widely used by everyone in the world.
Although
Linking Words
 mobile
phones
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 provide easy access to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the user’s needs, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools have banned the
use
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 of mobile
phones
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 on
campus
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. From my point of view, the restriction of mobile
phones
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 on
campus
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 is a positive step towards providing academic, physical and social benefits for
students
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. Restricting phone
use
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 in the
classroom
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 itself can improve learning.
Students
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 who
use
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 mobile
phones
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 will have distractions as they will give more
attention
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 to their
devices
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 rather than studying.
Students
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 will have
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
 urge to check their
phones
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 for messages, notifications and reminders. It reduces their focus
in
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on
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 the lessons that are being taught in the
classroom
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. The lack of
attention
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 will have an impact on their academic studies. As the
students
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 are mostly distracted by their
phones
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, they would not be able to understand the lessons. The usage of
devices
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 in
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classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
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 draws
attention
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 away from
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 lessons and materials taught. It creates distractions for
students
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 which affects their
attention
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 span and restricts their focus. Restricting
phones
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 on
campus
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 have a good impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the well being of
students
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. It is because
students
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 can communicate and socialise with their fellow classmates and teachers outside of their
classroom
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.
Students
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 tend to
use
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 their
phones
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 when their class is over and they do not get time to sit around and talk to their friends.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
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use
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 their lunch break to check their social media
such
Linking Words
 as
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
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,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 and TikTok. They do not
use
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 their break to play in the playground or make conversation with their friends.
This
Linking Words
 impacts their physical skills as well as their social and communication skills. Playing around
campus
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 helps with boosting their energy and talking with friends increases their social skills. The ban
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 using
phones
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 on
campus
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 allows
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student to communicate effectively and helps increase their physical strength. In conclusion, the
use
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 of mobile
phones
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 have particularly increased throughout the years and it is common to
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 everywhere. Many schools have put restrictions on the
use
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 of
devices
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 on
campus
Use synonyms
 which provides positive impacts for
students
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. The ban on
devices
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 helps improve
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 and well being of
students
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.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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