IELTS 12 - Test 6 - At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young
adults
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, compared with the number of older
people
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. I believe that
this
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has more benefits than drawbacks. The disadvantage of
this
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development is that it
make
Change the verb form
makes
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the country does not has
the
Correct article usage
a
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leader in a variety of jobs since it is
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
to use older
people
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to be the leader
due to
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because
show examples
they have more experience than
adults
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. Despite
this
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, there are significant advantages it can bring to
people
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's
live
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lives
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.
Firstly
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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young
Add an article
the young
show examples
adults
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have an intention to do their job in the best performance since the progression are considered the most important in working life.
For example
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, according to the latest research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 80% of employees in Thailand can be
reponsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
role better than older
people
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because they want to have the workings in order to advance in their position.
In addition
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to
this
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, on a wider
level
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,level
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it may
also
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benefit
adults
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can make kids in order that have the
next
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generation to develop the country because the range of
this
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ages
are
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is
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suitable to have kids. To illustrate
this
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, in recent news, it has been reported that The age between 25 and 30 is very appropriate to have kids
for
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to
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develop the country in the future and
also
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take care
them
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of them
show examples
when they become elderly. I would
therefore
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argue that
although
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there are disadvantages of the current trend, they are outweighed by the advantages.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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