Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #culture #ages

Some

people

believe that

music

helps to bring

people

of different nationalities from all around the world and even different ages and generations. I completely agree with

this

suggestion. In the following paragraphs, I intend to outline the arguments

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

idea.

Firstly

music

also

well-known as a global language. The statistics demonstrate that approximately 35% of the listeners of famous

music

do not understand its meaning.

This

figure indicates that

people

do not care about the language of the song and it is all about melody.

For instance

music

concerts and

music

festivals all around the world, are the events with the most audience in it. If famous singers like Drake and The Weeknd and

such

like decide to hold a concert in different cities around the globe, the tickets will be sold out quickly.

Furthermore

, there is various musical taste

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

the

people

. There is an article that says that like-minded

people

with the same

music

taste interact

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

with each other.

On the other hand

, some

music

is eternal. What I mean is different generations love these songs. As an example, if you analyze Michael Jackson’s concert you will realize there are no age restrictions.

People

between the age of 18-70 participate in

this

concert and everybody enjoys it.

Moreover

, you can communicate with other

people

of various ranges of ages through

music

. You can talk about

music

and you might share your playlist with them and recommend them to listen to the latest

music

and

likewise

. After having considered the aforementioned arguments in some depth, I have reached the conclusion that

music

and everything connected with it can be a good tool for communicating with different nations and generations.

This

proves that

people

do not care about the language or even the concept of the

music

, they like its melody.

Submitted by sia_21gr on Wed Feb 09 2022

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coherence cohesion

Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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