IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #advertisements #children #impact
There is a controversial debate on whether it is beneficial for
children
 to encounter advertisements or not has risen among individuals.
Although
this
initially
 seems to be an exciting way to teach them about goods and their usage, it could impact tastes and change them into inappropriate styles. I generally stand on the side of the critics. The human mind starts receiving new data from the first blink, initiating the chain of routes in the brain through which it recognizes the
world
 around it. Promotions, especially visual ones, have the potential to introduce objects with a stunning appearance, which is attractive to the youngster population. Not only do they become familiar with those, but they
also
 often learn new activities through them. Ads that represent shampoo could be a case in point by which a baby could find out about what it is and how it can be used.
Furthermore
, if they encounter an advertisement with a delightful song, they probably would profit from learning new words and phrases.
On the other hand
, opponents argue that there is a substantial risk in facing them with every promotion because it might distract them from the
world
's beauty. They highlighted that so impressive is the
world
 that
children
 do not need to be taught by repetitional advertisements, and they can seek new objects in the real
world
 with the chance of true experiencing; they
also
 believe parents are the most suitable persons to guide and train them.
Moreover
, it is acclaimed that companies make ads to increase revenue and, in some cases, manipulate customers.
Therefore
, they often do not consider the educational aspect of them for youth. In conclusion, despite being beneficial to
children
 to be educated about products and their consumption and even progressing language skills, I regard promotions as an attention-grabber that shifts
children
's tastes toward unreliable goods
instead
 of natural objects around, and it diminishes the parent's role.
Submitted by tarokhpourmand6 on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your position.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied and clear linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively, ensuring a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the opinion clearly.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • impressionable
  • manipulative
  • discern
  • navigate choices
  • informed consumers
  • potentially beneficial
  • health consequences
  • creative development
  • imaginative play
  • economic impact
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