IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
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Two line graphs demonstrate the proportion of using electrical cleaning tools and the average number of doing housework an hour every week in a
household
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 from 1920 to 2019. In total it is obvious that the percentage of households with electrical appliances increased while the
amount
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number
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 of hours
spend
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spent
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 on housework decreased throughout the whole period of time. The years from 1920 to 1960 saw a sharp rise in about 90% of
family
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the family
a family
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 using
refrigerator
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the refrigerator
a refrigerator
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, after which, it has a slight growth get to 100% in 1980. In the use of vacuum cleaner, the trend
show
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shows
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 a gradual increase at a rate of 1% per year from 1920 to 1980
,
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apply
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 and reach
to
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apply
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the highest point of 100% from 2000, which had
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 stable till 2019 as
percentage
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a percentage
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 of the
household
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 using
refrigerator
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the refrigerator
a refrigerator
show examples
. In
Correct your spelling
contrast
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contract
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contrast
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,
washing
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the washing
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machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 had the smallest growth during the period. There were 40% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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 used it in 1920, and the proportion rose to 70%. After that, it dropped to 65% in 1980 and rose to 70% in 1960.
Then
Linking Words
 it had a steady increase to 64% in 2019.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of hours that family spent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing housework went down from 50 in 1920 to 16 in 1980, after which, it had
a
Remove the article
apply
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short maintenance for 20 years and drop to
bottom
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the bottom
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 of 11 in 2019. The percentage of
household
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 in
refrigerator
Add an article
a refrigerator
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 used to be the lowest with only 2% in 1920.
Then
Linking Words
 it had pas the vacuum cleaner and washing machine in 1939 and 1943. After that, it had been the highest for 75 years.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 1920,
washing
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the washing
show examples
 machine had the most proportion of
household
Use synonyms
 but it had become the fewest ever since 1960.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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