IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#figures #show #crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt, nowadays, crime could have a dangerous impact on society. These actions are more connected with a large number of individuals below the age of 18. Several psychologists believe the lack of social and emotional
education
Use synonyms
 from families and educators are the main cause of these conditions. In these situations, I strongly agree children should receive more attention in order to minimise inappropriate behaviour in the future. Without a shadow of a doubt, criminality is a notorious activity
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 creates many undesirable situations for communities
such
Linking Words
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robbery or terrorism. Criminal activities could influence any person from young to adult
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. Teenagers, unfortunately, are more vulnerable to become influenced by inappropriate activities
such
Linking Words
 as criminality. Family, the prime tier
education
Use synonyms
 is important to develop their children to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Parents should educate and supervise their offspring in order to reduce negative behaviour from the media.
For example
Linking Words
, educating their children while watching television and learning from the internet as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, educational institutions have a tremendous role to reduce criminality worldwide. A teacher should perform a sufficient and adequate
education
Use synonyms
 for students to distinguish good and bad behaviour in society.
Hence
Linking Words
, introducing law material on
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 syllabus can elevate apprentice understanding about crime.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, developing a sense of belonging to pupils will deliver a positive manner in which pupils can implement it in communities every day. In Conclusion, youngsters are vulnerable
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 negative influences, and family and educational institutes should give positive support to them.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: