The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree ?

Due to its huge impact on quality of life,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
has
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
a major public health concern lately that could lead to lifelong
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
like diabetes. Some people argue that the best way to prevent
this
chronic illness is by actively doing exercise
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age through
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
lessons as a part of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
curriculum. I personally agree if
this
scheme is applied, as it will build
children
's character as well as encourage pupils to love
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
from childhood.
First
and foremost, getting involved in sports activities at
school
will develop
children
’s character because some sports,
such
as football and baseball, require great teamwork to win. Teamwork itself can teach pupils to work with fellow humans with different personalities, which I believe will benefit them to expand their networking in professional life later.
In addition
,
such
activities
also
promote the sense of competition that makes
children
realize their potential and strive for it.
Secondly
, having physical education as a part of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
syllabus will encourage
children
to love
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
from childhood and make it a part of
lifestyle
Correct pronoun usage
their lifestyle
show examples
later as adults. I recall the moment when I was in elementary
school
and had swimming as one of the mandatory subjects at
school
. Through the lesson, now I put swimming as my regular exercise and do it twice a month to maintain my weight.
Lastly
,
children
who are doing sports activities regularly will less likely to suffer from
obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
also
will avoid them from chronic disease caused by weight gain. To conclude, I support the
school
’s idea to make
sport
Add an article
the sport
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of their subjects because it delivers positive effects on pupil's character and forms sustainable behaviour in adulthood.
This
is as long as
children
are given a balanced proportion between physical and science lessons at
school
.
Submitted by diestadhania on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: