IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that traveling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries, while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in India has been decreasing because many individuals prefer to go
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
show examples
 countries like the US and the UK for their higher studies,so many citizens claim that we can enhance our cognitive skills by commuting to another country.
In contrast
Linking Words
,others think that it is not necessary to commute because technology enables ample amenities to get news by just sitting at a home.
this
Linking Words
 essay will go into better detail on both the cases with my subject view. To embark on,these days,scholars prefer to study in other
nations
Use synonyms
 as facilities of education system
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
 many job opportunities to students.
moreover
Linking Words
,they can
also
Linking Words
 do
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 job while studying.
consequently
Linking Words
,they might be stayed independently without asking
money
Change preposition
for money
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
furthermore
Linking Words
,they will be able to communicate with different
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
.
as a result
Linking Words
,increases language skills as well as responsibility towards the family.
for example
Linking Words
,if we will go to other
nations
Use synonyms
,nobody will come with us,
therefore
Linking Words
 we have to
takecare
Correct your spelling
take care
 of ourselves.ultimately,our responsibility might be increased.
additionally
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 usually go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 trips to other
nations
Use synonyms
 just for relaxation and to know about cultures. On another hand,
although
Linking Words
 technologies are available to commute
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
still
people
Use synonyms
 it is
Correct article usage
a wast
show examples
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time because we can
also
Linking Words
 obtain other
nations
Use synonyms
 news through the internet.I think,there are some reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are refused to travel
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
 kingdom.
firstly
Linking Words
,air transportation is the only way to commute
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 places,but it is very expensive,
thus
Linking Words
 it is hard to commute for the
destitue
Correct your spelling
destitute
people
Use synonyms
.
secondly
Linking Words
,face to face communication is limited among our family members.
for instance
Linking Words
,if we move to another region,
then
Linking Words
 we will be no chance to see our parents regularly whenever we want,so at that time we can use phones for communicating
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them. To conclude,many individuals have different opinions which vary from person to person,
therefore
Linking Words
 they only decide whether commuting to another region is best or not,but travelling abroad facilitates many opportunities in terms of getting jobs and knowledge.whereas,
although
Linking Words
 the internet provides many facilities to get news,many individuals like to go abroad.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: