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Band 5.5

Some people say that traveling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries, while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about foreign countries. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #countries #tv #internet
Nowadays,the number of
people
 who are living in India has been decreasing because many individuals prefer to go
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
show examples
 countries like the US and the UK for their higher studies,so many citizens claim that we can enhance our cognitive skills by commuting to another country.
In contrast
,others think that it is not necessary to commute because technology enables ample amenities to get news by just sitting at a home.
this
 essay will go into better detail on both the cases with my subject view. To embark on,these days,scholars prefer to study in other
nations
 as facilities of education system
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
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 many job opportunities to students.
moreover
,they can
also
 do
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 job while studying.
consequently
,they might be stayed independently without asking
money
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for money
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to
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from
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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.
furthermore
,they will be able to communicate with different
persons
Replace the word
people
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.
as a result
,increases language skills as well as responsibility towards the family.
for example
,if we will go to other
nations
,nobody will come with us,
therefore
 we have to
takecare
Correct your spelling
take care
 of ourselves.ultimately,our responsibility might be increased.
additionally
,some
people
 usually go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 trips to other
nations
 just for relaxation and to know about cultures. On another hand,
although
 technologies are available to commute
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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still
people
 it is
Correct article usage
a wast
show examples
Correct your spelling
waste
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wast
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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time because we can
also
 obtain other
nations
 news through the internet.I think,there are some reasons why
people
 are refused to travel
another
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to another
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 kingdom.
firstly
,air transportation is the only way to commute
other
Change preposition
to other
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 places,but it is very expensive,
thus
 it is hard to commute for the
destitue
Correct your spelling
destitute
people
.
secondly
,face to face communication is limited among our family members.
for instance
,if we move to another region,
then
 we will be no chance to see our parents regularly whenever we want,so at that time we can use phones for communicating
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them. To conclude,many individuals have different opinions which vary from person to person,
therefore
 they only decide whether commuting to another region is best or not,but travelling abroad facilitates many opportunities in terms of getting jobs and knowledge.whereas,
although
 the internet provides many facilities to get news,many individuals like to go abroad.
Submitted by anushachenna15 on

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