IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
Climate
 change's impact on employment is a topic of growing concern.
While
 some argue that it may pose threats, others see potential opportunities.
This
 essay delves into both perspectives regarding the effects of
temperature
 diversity on business and provides an informed viewpoint on the matter. On the one hand,
temperature
 variability can damage occupation in certain ways.
First,
fishermen must change their accommodation often to adapt to the water
temperature
.
For example
, fishing industries can suffer some significant losses from global warming.
According to
 researchers, the number of fish has dropped in recent years.
Moreover
,
temperature
 variability could
also
 damage restaurants as well, some eating houses which are popular with seafood could have difficulty in remaining the sources as it could slowly reduce their earning.
Also
, businesses may face higher costs for energy and transportation
as a result
 of increased demand for cooling, heating, and more extreme weather events. In
such
 ways,
climate
 diversity negatively affects professions.
On the other hand
, people can catch some opportunities when the world is heating up.
Firstly
, tourism industries can have some benefits from global warming.
For instance
, the Summer season in India is very hot to bear as the
temperature
 rises beyond 40 degrees in some cities like Amritsar and Delhi.
As a result
, families will prevent the heat by travelling to hilly areas which have nice weather.
Secondly
, businesses provide electronics and power appliances,
such
 as fans and air conditioners. Most public will use those gadgets frequently to cool themselves to rejuvenate their minds
as well as
 their bodies.
Consequently
, the electricity industries can step on it and expand their field.
Hence
,
climate
 change can positively affect businesses. In conclusion, having discussed the topic at length,
although
climate
 transformation can impact some drawbacks to the business, there are brighter sides that people can rely on to ease their work.
Submitted by THE TEACHING DESK on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logically structured argument with a clear beginning, middle and end, although transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
The essay exhibits a well-developed task achievement ability. Both viewpoints are adequately covered, along with the writer’s personal opinion. However, arguments could be elaborated further for more depth and clarity.
lexical resource
The diversity of vocabulary and sentence structure is substantial. However, make sure to utilize more advanced lexical resources and idiomatic expressions wherever possible to increase your score for the lexical resource dimension.
grammatical range accuracy
While the grammar used in the essay is largely correct, be cautious about minor inaccuracies. Using a variety of complex grammatical structures will contribute to better demonstrating your English language proficiency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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