IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The probability of an offender committing a crime after serving the first punishment has increased. What is the reason for this and how can this problem be tackled?

#probability #offender #crime #first #punishment #reason
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In recent times, the recurrence of
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 criminal activity being conducted again, despite serving a sentence for an act of
crime
Use synonyms
 by
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 criminal prior has increased. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 rising problem and suggest possible solutions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will discuss the economic factors leading to
such
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
 and
secondly
Linking Words
, will provide an insight into the acceptability of the
society
Use synonyms
 for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 convicted
person
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with,
many a times
Correct the article-noun agreement
many times
many a time
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 after a criminal is released from prison there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of rehabilitation facilities & employment opportunities. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
person
Use synonyms
 might want to earn his livelihood honestly but due to his criminal
record
Add a comma
,record
show examples
 there is a dearth of employment opportunities and is unable to earn a decent living.
Consequently
Linking Words
, Due to lack of
funds
Add a comma
,funds
show examples
 the
person
Use synonyms
 resorts to his previous unlawful activities for sustenance . One solution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be the government having a counselling program for convicts who are to be released and having an employment program for them in place.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will be able to take care of themselves financially without engaging in criminal activities. Another reason for a released convict to engage in
crime
Use synonyms
 is that the acceptance of the
society
Use synonyms
 to prior criminals is very low. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, The
person
Use synonyms
 carries the stigma of his previous
crime
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 his life and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is not benevolent enough in forgiving him. cause of
this
Linking Words
, the
person
Use synonyms
 is unable to start
a fresh
Correct your spelling
afresh
show examples
 and starts holding grudges against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 pushing him to a life of
crime
Use synonyms
 again. One solution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be, that a counsellor is hired by the government who keeps a weekly tab on the mental state of the
person
Use synonyms
 and communicates with him on how he is being treated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
person
Use synonyms
 will be able to vent his frustration and be ensured that there is
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 handholding him through
this
Linking Words
 phase. To conclude,
There
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 are certain reasons why an act of
crime
Use synonyms
 is committed despite a sentence being served. The government must ensure there are programs in place to ensure that the released
person
Use synonyms
 can become an integral part of the
society
Use synonyms
an dis
Correct your spelling
and is
show examples
 not
tainted
Add a missing verb
be tainted
show examples
 by his past.
Submitted by amritdutta90 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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