Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

These days,everyone desires to become a famous

person

whether it is in an optimistic or pessimistic way because they are influenced by renowned personalities,but nowadays,many individuals become famous without having any knowledge.

however

beautyness

Correct your spelling

beauties

and financial background are

also

used to become

superstar

Add an article

a superstar

show examples

as a result

,it will be badly affected on youngster's life,so I accord

this

statement. To embark on,a

person

can

also

become well known without having any skills.

firstly

person

who is well versed with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology can become famous overnight,

therefore

many individuals follow their favourite celebrities and do what they do

either

Correct word choice

whether

show examples

it is good or bad.they just follow them blindly.

secondly

people

who have power and money

also

become well known because these things motivate them to become famous.

consequently

,teenagers are

also

interested to earn more money as they tend to become renowned

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

moreover

,many celebrities are exposed

with

Change preposition

show examples

their dressing style by

wearying

Correct your spelling

wearing

show examples

modern clothes

instead

of traditional clothes.

therefore

,many individuals

influenced

Add a missing verb

are influenced

show examples

by their clothing preference.

for instance

,according to the film industry,directors prefer to select

people

by seeing their dressing style,so

Correct your spelling

maybe

show examples

may be

Correct your spelling

maybe

show examples

this

the

Add a missing verb

is the

show examples

reason why

people

are habituated to modern dresses. On another hand,celebrities are role models for their fans ,

thus

they are

also

tried to impress their fans in many ways.the media is

also

one reason to become famous as today even the

comman

Correct your spelling

common

man with some talent,becomes well known due to the advancement in technology.

for example

,In the past,there

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

no media,

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

those

people

were famous who had really achieved great heights,but today it is completely changed due to the technology. To conclude,

although

being

famous

Correct article usage

a famous

show examples

person

enables many offers,it

Change the verb form

also provides

show examples

also

provides

bad

Add an article

a bad

the bad

show examples

message to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

.to become famous

first

we have to require great knowledge rather than power and money.

Submitted by anushachenna15 on Sat Feb 12 2022

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think one should stay all their life in the same job, whereas others advocate changing jobs from time to time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A university education is the key to getting a good job. For that reason, the government should provide enough money to the universities so everyone can get a degree for free. To what extent do you agree?