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Band 5.5

Obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries What are the main causes of it What measure can be taken to solve it?

#obesity #countries #measure
It is true that
obesity
 is a challenging issue facing the world today.
While
 there are a variety of reasons responsible for it, steps can
Correct your spelling
definitely
definietly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 be taken to address it Rising
obesity
 has several reasons. One possible reason is that
people
 consume
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excessive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of processed
food
 because it is delicious and convenient. these types of
food
 contain a lot of calories and unhealthy fat which causes them to gain
wiight
Correct your spelling
weight
. Another reason is that
people
 have limited scope for physical activity as most of the everyday activities of modern lifestyle are sedentary.
As a result
 ,
people
 burn fewer calories than they consume on a given day.
Besides
, the reluctance of
people
 to
exercise
 or play any
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 engaging sports is one of the main reasons why
obesity
 is increasing so rapidly.
Obesity
 can certainly be tackled.
Firstly
 ,
in addition
 to encouraging everyone to maintain a healthy diet, the availability of junk
food
 should be restricted.
For example
, when someone has to walk a mile to grab a burger, they will be less motivated to do it.
Secondly
,
people
 can redesign their lifestyle in a way that makes it easy for them to have more physical moments.
Finally
, motivating
people
 to play sports or
exercise
 is probably the most effective approach to
tavkle
Correct your spelling
tackle
this
 problem.
This
 is because once
people
 start doing
exercise
 they will be concerned about what they should eat and what they ought to avoid. In conclusion,
obesity
 will continue to be a problem unless the availability of
processesd
Correct your spelling
processed
processes
food
 is controlled, the
sedentery
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 lifestyle is reversed and
people
 are encouraged to
exercise
 more.
Submitted by rifataranawshin on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument, particularly in the section discussing the causes and solutions for obesity.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that all paragraphs have a clear main point and consider using more varied linking phrases or words to enhance cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and typos, such as 'definietly' (definitely), 'wiight' (weight), and 'sedentery' (sedentary) to make the text more polished.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task by discussing the causes of obesity and suggesting measures to solve it, fulfilling the task requirement comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, giving the essay a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully provided logical reasoning in explaining the reasons for obesity, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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