IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #governments #focus #pollution #illness #disease
What are the main responsibilities of
Correct your spelling
government
governemt
Correct article usage
the governemt
show examples
 to prevent illness or
disease
?
Disease
Fix the agreement mistake
Diseases
show examples
 are spreading through many
infectionious
Correct your spelling
infectious
 sources. While some
people
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that illnesses and
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 could be prevented by reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution or
provideing
Correct your spelling
providing
 housing facilities to homeless
people
,I
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
 idea could be argued. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss other main areas that
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve
show examples
 governments attention.
Although
 pollution and homeless
people
 wandering around garbage bans are some reasons for many
diseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
 like cancers or viral
diseas
Correct your spelling
disease
diseases
, there are more serious areas that need attention to prevent
disease
.
For instance
,
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
show examples
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
 pandemic showed us that we are in dire need of
vacination
Correct your spelling
vaccination
. Without governmental
support
Add a comma
,support
show examples
 it was not possible to produce
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
 in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period of time to save
people
 from
diying
Correct your spelling
dying
.
Moreover
, contaminated food is a source
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spreading
disease
.
Governemt
Correct your spelling
Government
 should control
distribution
Add an article
the distribution
show examples
 of infected food by passing appropriate laws and
enforveing
Correct your spelling
enforcing
 industries to obey the rule.
For instance
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years
age
Correct your spelling
ago
show examples
 a
disease
 names BSC was spreading in the USA by
infected
Add an article
the infected
an infected
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
Add an article
the meet
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 food and drug administration of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 passed a law to control it. To conclude, it can be said that
Correct your spelling
government
governemt
Correct article usage
the governemt
show examples
 is responsible to form a healthy society and
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 illnesses in many ways. Some critics
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that pollution and lack of housing facilities are the main
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
 that government should tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, but
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
show examples
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 and many other
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 showed us that there are more critical issues that should be covered by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by bahar.nazarzadeh88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory diseases
  • heart conditions
  • incidence
  • affordable housing
  • stress
  • infectious diseases
  • preventative measures
  • cost-effective
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • comprehensive approach
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • exacerbated
What to do next:
Look at other essays: