IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Both governments and individuals are spending vast amounts of money protecting animals and their habitat. This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, more
money
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 appropriated for caring
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
for animals
show examples
 and their wildlife habitat .
However
Linking Words
, in many
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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, some
people
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 have essential issues
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Because they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
a
Correct article usage
apply
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suitable financial
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
. Many of them require
the
Correct article usage
a
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home and earn more
money
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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my opinion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
which
Correct word choice
how
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the government should be more considerate quality of
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives. In many
of
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apply
show examples
developed and developing countries, dogs and pets are protected by
people
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 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. It is so important for them
which
Correct word choice
that
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 they allocate an amount
as
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to
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 animal protection in the country’s budget every year. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some species of
animals
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 are endangered or they are threatened by poachers and hunters.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 is committed to keeping and caring for all
animals
Use synonyms
 and their habitat.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the conservation of
animals
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
worldwide
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 too much
money
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 which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be covered and paid
by
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 the government and
people
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 in these countries .
This
Linking Words
 budget
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
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 is equal
or
Change preposition
to or
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 more than the cost of education in some other countries.
Although
Linking Words
 we must respect and protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and the environment, some men and women in the
world
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 do not have any suitable
life
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 and minimum
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
. Unfortunately, some children in the
world
Use synonyms
 have been deprived of normal education and home
life
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. In conclusion, these days many
people
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 spend a lot of
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their pets and some
animals
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they
are organized
Change the verb form
have organized
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 some environmental groups
for protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 them.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are many
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
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 in our
world
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whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 need
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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,
home
Correct article usage
a home
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 and other facilities .I
Correct your spelling
believe
beilive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it is not worth spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 when other
human
Change the wording
humans
show examples
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 face
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 many
seriously
Change the adverb
serious
show examples
 problems

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem services
  • ethical imperative
  • conservation
  • natural habitats
  • interconnectedness
  • preclude
  • false dichotomy
  • holistic approaches
  • sustainable development
  • environmental stewardship
  • social welfare
  • poverty alleviation
  • eco-tourism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: