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Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 have
this
 belief that social
networks
for instance
 Facebook has had a noticeable negative effect on individuals and the community at large. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
networks
 waste a
lot
 of
time
 for
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 and at the same
time
 has led to cybercrime.
However
, they provide a good marketing avenue for
business
products
.
Firstly
, many
people
 waste a
lot
 of
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
networks
.
This
 is especially so with the young generation. A youth will wake up to social
networks
 to the extent of forgetting other important chores. Recently there was a global
complain
Replace the word
complaint
show examples
 from employers that employees are spending a
lot
 of
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 phones rather than doing the main
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
. Social networking has
also
 contributed to cybercrime. Many
people
 innocently upload their social environments and interactions with their peers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
networks
. What they are unaware of is that some individuals remain online trying to track or find
whereabouts
Correct article usage
the whereabouts
show examples
 of other
people
 and
this
 exposes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innocent
people
 to theft and even abduction. My very own country has been forced to pass legislative bills to counter cybercrimes that have been going out of hand. A good thing is that social
networks
 provide an advertising platform for
business
products
.
Business
people
 have from the recent past found a new avenue where they can market their
products
. I have friends who entirely rely on Facebook to market and sell their goods and services.
This
 has even been embraced by companies including government institutions. In conclusion, many
people
 especially the young generation waste a
lot
 of
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
networks
 like Facebook.
The social
Correct article usage
Social
show examples
networks
 have
also
 contributed to
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
 prevalence of cybercrime.
On the contrary
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
networks
 have provided an advertising and selling medium for
business
products
. It is my wish that if the social
networks
 are used properly they would improve our lives and the welfare of the society at large.
Submitted by dmwitikimathi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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