IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is currently believed that children’s behaviour and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with the statment?

#children’s #behaviour #misconduct #lack #discipline #punishment #parents #statment
Nowadays parenting models have changed. There is a lot of information about how to rise
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
, whereas it is so difficult to find the keys or
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
misconduct
Correct article usage
the misconduct
show examples
 of kids. It is said that
children
 bad behaviour is a result of
parents
 lack of discipline. In front of
this
 argument, I will partially agree with the statement, whereas all
reasons
 will be explained as follows.
To begin
 with, there are two main
reasons
 in favour of
this
 issue. The
first
 reason is, that parenting models have changed a lot
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 recent years.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days we can find a wide range of information about parenthood, starting from books to social media. There exist so many opinions and
reasons
 that are difficult to follow,
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
parents
 do not really know what applies the best for their
children
. Another reason
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the lack of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention. Today, both
parents
 have to work to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 stable life,
therefore
children
 are
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 without
parents
 attention and support,
what it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
Correct your spelling
children's
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 misconduct and tantrums to obtain
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 desired attention.
On the other hand
, there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 always
parents
 fault. Sometimes,
children
 are
sourranded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by bad influences,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 when they are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the teenage stage. So, it is difficult to explain to your
teenger
Correct your spelling
teenager
teenage
 son or daughter that
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 best friends have bad
influnece
Correct your spelling
influence
 on them and they change their behaviour. Cause on
this
 stage, teenagers are used to
think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 that
parents
 are their enemies, what difficult their education
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
 In conclusion, I would say that
children
 misconduct is affected by both
parts
Correct your spelling
parties
show examples
,
parent’s
Fix the agreement mistake
parents’
show examples
 leniency and external influence. I will recommend that
parents
 should focus on making their
children
 happy, to pay
attenttion
Correct your spelling
attention
 when it is needed and ask for help or suggestions
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 people with experience in growing
children
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 their own
parents
. For sure they will obtain
a great advice
Remove the article
great advice
a piece of great advice
a bit of great advice
show examples
.
Submitted by eugenia.naz12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: