IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games
A lot of people suppose it is more advantageous to spend hours outdoor activities rather than playing virtual games. I fully agree with
this
 given statement, and I believe that outdoor activities are better for children's development. One argument in support of spending time outside is the weighty
health
 effect. There are numerous activities,
such
 as hockey and ice skating in the winter season, and cricket, basketball, football in the summer. All of them helps to improve physical strength and endurance.
For instance
, when I was in primary school, I had huge
health
 problems. Only when my parents took me to the tennis court did
this
 situation begin to improve.
As a result
, my
health
 problems were solved and I increased my coordination. Another aspect that demonstrates the benefit of outdoor abilities is the development of social skills. Children start to communicate, having common strategies when they play in a team sport. As I mentioned before, playing tennis was useful practice, but not only with my
health
 issues. I was ill often, missed lessons because of that and was not able to have strong relations with my classmates. Through, tennis I found new friends there and it was the most important thing because at that time I had really low social abilities. I doubt, that computer games could have the same effect. In conclusion, I deeply believe that
health
 conditions and social skills are the most important things for youngsters.
Therefore
, spending time outside is the best choice for children.
Submitted by egapakova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: