IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

There are more males than females in the world. Do you agree or disagree?

#males #females #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram illustrates figures of
workers
Use synonyms
 and companies in two cities in the period of 50
years
Use synonyms
. Overall, in all periods there were more male employees as compared to females.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, during the
first
Linking Words
 20
years
Use synonyms
 the total number of both men and women
workers
Use synonyms
 dropped rapidly from 287,100 to 80, 123 and 190,000 to 160, 000 respectively.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, as the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
 figures decreased, there was an
increament
Correct your spelling
increment
 in the factories built as they went from 225 to 622.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 three
years
Use synonyms
, the figures of both male and female employees decreased sharply from 76, 132 to 31, 000 and 50, 000 to 30, 000 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the year 1891 had the highest fall on the male company
workers
Use synonyms
 with 34, 000 and female
workers
Use synonyms
 with just 10, 000. Moreso, in 1881 they had more factories compared to all
years
Use synonyms
, though the numbers decreased in the
last
Linking Words
 20
years
Use synonyms
 to 600 at the end of the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: