IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

1.Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#adults #exercise #people #sports #events #olympics #football #world #cup #television #move
A discussion about sports and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young individuals has
been
Verb problem
apply
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always the imminent and permeative
between
Change preposition
among
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 intellectuals, these days teenage not practising
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
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 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis
however
 part of the community
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that watching the Olympic events or
FIFA
Correct article usage
the FIFA
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world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
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 on media will enthusiasm
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people to practice sports,
however
, the opposite part believe the most important action is let them start by themselves by walking and running ,
however
, I am in full accord with the later ideology and the reasons of my opinion will be elucidated in the forthcoming paragraphs.
firstly
 , I like to refer to the old adage that a healthy brain always is in a healthy body ,neither attending big play events nor wearing sports shirts will increase the fitness between people,
However
.
this
 behaviour will adapt by eating not healthy food or drink ,
thus
,
body
Correct article usage
a body
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 increase will be expected . the watching process will not have any advantage
otherwise
 it will increase the wasting of time.
on the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 people must start by themselves, perform 15 minutes daily
on
Change preposition
of
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 running or walking will burn too many calories,
in addition
,in ,addition
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good diet and early sleep practice will support that.
this
 habit will make the community far from diseases and risk factors,
nevertheless
, it is noticeable the rate of diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterolemia was increased
Hence
 conclusively, sport is very essential to the body, after thorough analysis
on
Change preposition
of
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this
 subject it is predicted that practising sport has a
great
Correct word choice
greater
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 impact rather than watching it and because of that we must encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
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 to rule it from
young
Correct article usage
a young
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Submitted by tamorah2020 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task prompt, including discussing both views and providing a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph is linked logically to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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