IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays families are not as closer as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer?

#families
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Long
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 ago,
family
Add an article
a family
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 gathering is one the most awaited
events
Use synonyms
 for family
members
Use synonyms
. But right now, those activity starts to
fading
Wrong verb form
fade
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 away, especially when pandemics hit really hard.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the developments of communication technologies cause the bonds between family
members
Use synonyms
became
Change the verb form
to become
show examples
further
Linking Words
 away. Another reason is, kids usually do not have the same perception as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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There
Correct your spelling
there
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 are several things that can make the families closer again, one of them is annual family visitation.
First
Linking Words
 of all, When pandemics happen, The Government prohibit any family gathering that
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 mass
crowd
Replace the word
crowding
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 for
greater
Add an article
the greater
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 good. Communications between family
members
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 are done with teleconferences or video calls. The vibes from video calls are different
than
Change the preposition
from
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 face to face talks. These situations are repeated annually due to covid-19
disesase
Correct your spelling
disease
 are not over yet. Another reason is, the way of thinking from
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
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 to
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
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 are changing. Kids nowadays do not understand the conversations between adults, vice versa. It creates
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge
gaps
Correct the article-noun agreement
gap
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 between family
members
Use synonyms
. For solving the matters, the family gathering
events
Use synonyms
 can be shifted into
annuals
Replace the word
annual
show examples
 family visitation. Every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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, one different family is selected to be the host of the
events
Use synonyms
.
With
Change preposition
This
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this
Linking Words
 method, it will strengthen the bonds between family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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. The complimentary for
this
Linking Words
 method is the
eldelry
Correct your spelling
elderly
 should pay attention to what modern kids
into
Add a missing verb
are into
show examples
 right now
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that conversation between generations can be linked up. In conclusion, Pandemics and gaps in age are the two reasons that cause the bonds between
family
Add an article
a family
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 getting weak.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the developments of Communication technologies causing the distance to get
further
Linking Words
 away. To solve the problems, the annual
events
Use synonyms
 should
done
Change the verb form
be done
do
show examples
 in different places based on the location of each family
Use synonyms
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
.
Submitted by bptj151 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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