IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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health
Use synonyms
 is
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
 priority of
everuone's
Correct your spelling
everyone's
 life.Nowadays
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is
impoved
Correct your spelling
improved
 as compared to older ages for older peoples.Many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
health
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care
Use synonyms
 for above 50
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 is
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
. In my opinion,
theri
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there
their
 are
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 and
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
explain
Change the form of the verb
explained
show examples
 in
Linking Words
further
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the further
a further
show examples
paragraph
Fix the agreement mistake
paragraphs
show examples
. The
myrid
Correct your spelling
myriad
 of
people
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 think that there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for more improvement in older
people
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 is
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 member of society, they should
recevice
Correct your spelling
receive
 good medical service.community of
people
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 have to pay tax from their certain percentage of salary to
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 and most of
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people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 contribute to
commanity
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community
 in
differernt
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different
 zone of our culture.
furthermore
Linking Words
, it is cost offer them to draw
a
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an
show examples
 energy
care
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 service funded by their own family and
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
also
Linking Words
.
For Example
Linking Words
, government
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 can offer various helps to keep them
fits
Replace the word
fit
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as community
health
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care
Use synonyms
 service and professional treatment, which can ensure
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 physical condition of aged
people
Use synonyms
. Another reason is that
numbeous
Correct your spelling
numerous
numbers
 aged
people
Use synonyms
 have difficulty in their supporting the cost of fitness. When they are retirement they cannot get a stable income for household items, and they are vulnerable to get
disease
Add an article
the disease
show examples
 because of their poor physical
qualilty
Correct your spelling
quality
 , which will
efffect
Correct your spelling
effect
affect
 their
health
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 condition. If
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 can offer regular and special money to them. To conclude, there are
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 reasons is based on their poor physical condition to
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 their nowadays and
also
Linking Words
 government should include basic
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 facility to aged
people
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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