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Band 4.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
Owing to the advancement in
health
care
 facilities
people
's
life
 expectancy has increased and fewer
people
 die due to severe medical conditions. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 development will continue in the
future
 as well and
hence
 young
people
 in the society will not face much difficulty in taking
care
 of the elderly in their homes.
First
 of all the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 medicines is helping in curing the ailments that were incurable in the past and which were the reasons for the loss of many lives. Nowadays, because of the betterment in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field old
people
 in almost all the countries of the world are leading a better
life
. As per the data furnished by a newspaper
last
 week,
health
 risks amongst old
people
 are prevented a great deal with the help medicines and advanced treatments available.
Hence
 I believe that the efficient medical facilities available to the old
people
 will help them in having a satisfactory
life
 in the
future
.
Moreover
, with the help of the internet, aged
people
 have access to several safety precautions too that they can take to prevent themselves from having any diseases. With the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
help of the internet
people
 in their early forties have started eating the right food and doing exercises as well. As they now know that not just medicines but eating right and having some physical activities are required too to have a healthy
life
. So, due to the awareness among old ones regarding the precautions to be taken to stay healthy, I think that they will not face
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
health
 problems in the
future
 and
therefore
 would not have to be looked after much by the young
people
 in their family. As improvements are being seen in medical science almost every year, the tending of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 would not be that big an issue in the
future
. And they could be looked after quite efficiently in the coming times because of the better facilities that will be made available to them in the
future
. In conclusion, advanced technology is helping us in taking
care
 of the elders and I believe it would continue to do so in the
future
 as well. Along with
this
 old
people
 are
also
 aware of the things they should be doing to take
care
 of their
health
. So, I think society will not face many difficulties in taking
care
 of the elderly.
Submitted by goswamimanisha403 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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