IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people say smoking should be banned and some say it is not a good idea. What is your opinion on this?

#people #say #idea
While some
people
 think that cigarettes should be sold in the markets, I mainly disagree with
this
 point. As for
as
Add a comma
,as
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 I am concerned disadvantages outweigh advantages. It has almost no advantages for
people
 who use it. Only producers became wealthy.
People
 who
passionate
Add a missing verb
are passionate
show examples
 about it sometimes say that they feel good for some time.
Drawbacks
Correct article usage
The drawbacks
show examples
 of producing and selling cigarettes is a global problem nowadays. A lot of
people
 die from it.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it can cause some diseases,
such
 as lung cancer. The rare diseases that cure
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 is low
happens
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 from cigarettes.
Therefore
, persons pay
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
show examples
 amount of money to it, if they did not
smoke
, save
this
 money, they will see that they could make more interesting and spend more money to your needs or interests. Our life is the most important thing. When we
smoke
, it can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death. A lot of
people
 lose their life, because of
smoke
. All the relatives, close friends, will be very sad
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
 situation. So, in
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I want to say that we should learn about everything that we are planning to do in future. Before
people
 want to
smoke
 if they watch videos or read information about
this
, maybe they would not
smoke
.
Also
, they could
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 it
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their needs. And do not put their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 in danger.
Submitted by Dr_huseynover on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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