IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

in some countries, fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #food #restaurants #supermarkets #money #schools #products #development
Over the
last
 few decades, extensive scientific research and many medical journals have proven that consumption of
food
 items with excessive amounts of sodium, saturated fats and added sugars are harmful to one's health. These are usually classified under "fast
food
 items". Some fast-
food
 restaurants and supermarkets have been collaborating with schools to sell their products.
This
 essay will discuss at length
this
 trend and the negative aspects associated with it.
Firstly
, one needs to address why
this
 development has been picking up pace in so many countries. Because school-going children comprise a large percentage of the customers for these restaurant chains, selling their products directly in school canteens helps them expand their consumer base, while bringing in more profit for these companies . The school
also
 benefits on a financial basis as they will take a commission from these companies for setting up stalls on their campus. While
this
 trend may be profitable for both the parties involved, there are certain drawbacks associated with it.
Although
, junk
food
 and certain ready-to-eat items from supermarkets are easy to afford and a popular choice, they are detrimental to one's well being. Example of damage to health includes elevated insulin levels, increased cholesterol and slowed metabolic rate to name a few. They can be injurious to both their physical and mental well being in the long run.
Therefore
 institutions need to make a well-informed decision regarding what brands they choose to collaborate with and
instead
 of advocating for fast
food
 brands they could promote brands that sell nutritious
food
instead
. To sum up,
although
 an association of supermarkets and restaurants with schools has been on the rise and is profitable for them, it causes more harm than good to the pupils. There are many deleterious effects to overall health which are associated with it and schools need to make more conscious choices for the betterment of their students.
Submitted by jha139 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: