IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #birth #thirties #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 decide to get married and have
children
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 30’s or older. In Indonesia, it usually happens in big cities
such
Linking Words
 as Jakarta. Most
people
Use synonyms
 choose to have graduated
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and have a stable career before they decide to start a family.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive trend for
people
Use synonyms
 considering beginning married life at a mature age.
First
Linking Words
 of all, being married in the thirties gives a huge age gap between parents and
children
Use synonyms
;
thus
Linking Words
 it will be hard for them to have a close relationship.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the huge gap will have an impact on
children
Use synonyms
 in future.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the
children
Use synonyms
 begin to be teenagers, they will find
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as miscommunication because the parents do not understand their
children
Use synonyms
's
problems
Use synonyms
.
Second
Linking Words
 of all, the
people
Use synonyms
 who get married and give birth in their thirties can be well-prepared for starting a family. Usually,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in their 30’s have stable jobs and stable finances.
Moreover
Linking Words
, good financials are a fundamental factor in a family, because financial
problems
Use synonyms
 are one of the biggest factors in divorce.
In addition
Linking Words
, couples who get married in their thirties are more mature psychologically,
thus
Linking Words
 they can solve household
problems
Use synonyms
 wisely. To sum up, I believe that beginning a family in the
30's
Fix apostrophe usage
'30s
show examples
 will give a big gap year between parents and
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is a positive development trend to make a long-lasting relationship.
Submitted by bptj151 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: