IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
According to some individuals, the adolescent years are the most joyful duration of
life
 for the majority of individuals. Others ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 believe the
life
 after attaining maturity to be comparatively more delightful than teenage
life
 even after having
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
responsibilities
.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions followed by a logical opinion. On one side, Due to the minimal
responsibilities
 and the maximum support of the guardians the teenage is considered the most enjoyable duration of
life
. It means that despite being responsible for their academics ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
generally
Add a comma
,generally
show examples
 the youngsters do not have many
responsibilities
 on their shoulders as they are being taken care of by their parents or elder kins.
Consequently
, they have ample time and liberty to enjoy their time with their companions.
For instance
, a teenager is never concerned about any financial concerns at home, after their study hours, the remaining time is being enjoyed
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
fullest
Correct article usage
the fullest
show examples
 by them.
Therefore
, due to being responsible for some very basic factors, teenage
life
 is the most enjoyable.
On the other hand
, As adulthood brings more liberty and financial capabilities, despite many
responsibilities
 adult
life
 is considered happier than youngsters. It means, where
that adolescents
Change the determiner
that adolescent
those adolescents
show examples
 are often forbidden to take certain decisions for themselves, adults can flawlessly take decisions for essential aspects of their lives without much intervention from others
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Hence
, they are more liberated whereas teenage
life
 is more conservative.
In addition
, adults are financially capable as the majority work to earn their livelihood.
Consequently
, despite several
responsibilities
 of their family and future, the basic desires can be fulfilled which is not the case with teenage
life
 as they entirely rely on their parents for any financial requirement. Conclusively, both the duration of
life
 includes positives and negatives. In my opinion,
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 most enjoyable span of
life
 varies from individual to individual as ,despite some restrictions and higher dependence on parents, some people love their education
life
 as a teenager whereas, some may hate
such
 dependence and would love to earn money and have more adult
responsibilities
.
Submitted by ankit.hart on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: