IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
Inveigled by their aroma and the gut’s responsive bleat,
people
 today have been completely ensnared by their favourite fast
food
 treat.
However
,
this
 transient decoy comes with its ramifications. The primary causative effect that it causes is a fallacious and unhealthy body mass index of
people
 owing to their obesity. To
this
, some
people
 peddle forth to increase the selling prices of
such
 fast-
food
 products causing health hazards.
However
, I would differ from the viewpoint presented. In the subsequent paragraphs, I shall propound my views on the issue.
To begin
 with, as is rife, modernization has caused and paved the way for the cornered sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to be educated, empowered, and employable, and with it, more and more working professionals have come along. With more
people
 entangled in their daily workloads,
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
emphasis has
thus
 naturally been on cooking the meals at home, and more so, the hoopla of managing both has certainly been overwhelming and making one feel work like a trojan. In
such
 a “click and flick” era where a significant number of
people
 may approach their fast
food
 outlets easily, simply putting a higher price quotation couldn’t ever curb
people
 from consuming and feasting on junk
food
. Moreso, as is found in a survey,
people
 falling in the bracket of the upper class with an above-average income, are found to be the steadfast consumers of
such
 packaged and unhealthy meals.
Hence
, as is pretty comprehensible, raising the prices of these eatables wouldn’t make much of a dent in the pockets of
people
 who may afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 easily. The wages of
people
 in concomitance to what they could frugally spend would be negligible, even after upheaving the taxes on
such
 edible items. The striking need of the hour is to make
people
 more aware of the cataclysmic causes of having
such
food
 that might render them extremely unhealthy and frail. Acknowledging
people
 with the detrimental corollary and pernicious eventualities of having an imbalanced diet and a decrepit BMI may keep them alarmed and watchful of what they are being served or choose to be served with to eat. The health confederations should focus on pragmatic and logical foregrounds where they check the roots of
such
 causes. That would perspicuously mean indoctrinating
people
 and spending providently on
such
 as health counselling sessions.
Although
 putting junk platters on a high tax bracket might, to an extent, mitigate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption, it couldn’t entirely debase the proliferation of
such
 unhealthy lifestyles that could only get etched in the minds of
people
 upon their being guided and informed.
Hence
,
to conclude
, we may say that increasing the prices and making junk foods expensive couldn’t go in alignment with the idea of keeping
people
 fit and healthy. Rather it is extremely important to enlighten and propagandize the benefits of a sound lifestyle and the malignant
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
denouement of fattening and chemically preserved
food
.
Submitted by matindokht97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: