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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some academics say that every child should be taught to play an instrument. Do you agree or disagree with statement?

#academics #child #instrument
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It is believed that parents should encourage their children to learn an instrument that they are interested in. I totally agree with that issue on learning a piece of musical equipment
while
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 they are young because of some factors on it. First of all, children and teenagers ought to pursue the skill of playing them in their childhood period because they are surely faster learners than their parents. The main reason is that they can quickly pick up a new skill before any established pattern is memorised in their brains to learn an innovative one. Another factor for agreeing on the issue is that it can promote the development of cognitive and memory skills during the developing process of their brain by studying and practising instrumental lessons.
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 adults should promote that kind of habit developing into their children.
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, it can
also
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 enhance social skills when they grow up if they know how to play them.
For example
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, if they can play the piano, they can get the attention of the public when they perform in front of a crowd or at birthday parties or social occasions, creating them as sociable people in the community.
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, they can extend their social network by showing off their expertise of performance to others, making strangers impress on them. It will be the best approach to make friends when they have that kind of personality. Others might argue that they can use another way to make their environment with new friends;
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, it might be better to persuade new folks in that way by playing pleasant musical notes to them. In conclusion, I feel strongly positive that it
should be
Wrong verb form
is
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 best when adults guide their
junior
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juniors
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 to study any instrument to initiate better brain development and build an extended social environment for them as they are quick absorbers
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 they are young.
Submitted by thidasan81 on

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Task Response
Provide a stronger thesis statement at the beginning of the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic. Ensure that all body paragraphs directly relate to the main argument of promoting children learning to play instruments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to introduce the main point. Use transition words and phrases to improve the overall flow of ideas and coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Strengthen the connection between ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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