IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#men #women
That the competition is an ability which is linked to
gender
 and males have more tendency to compete in comparison with females seems to be accepted on account of the kind of plays chosen by different genders along with the disparity between men's and
women
's salaries. One major driver of the acceptability of
such
 a notion would be the popular games among girls and boys. Those plays which have winners including soccer and chess are mainly selected by male children; whereas, girls tend to play games with no winner
such
 as playing with dolls. It is true that cultural values might play an essential part in
such
 differences. Despite
this
,
this
 phenomenon has been seen everywhere regardless of culture and time.
Therefore
, it can be logical that people's ability to compete is rooted in their
gender
. A
second
 reason behind the success of the theory of
women
's being less competitive than men is the income gap between different sexual categories. Male individuals' wages are mostly higher than
women
's inasmuch as they compete to get jobs with better salaries one example of these kinds of jobs is marketing management.
Although
 the low salary of
women
 comes from sexism and discrimination in some cases, competitive occupations are not the
first
 choices of most
women
.
Thus
, it can be concluded that
women
 are born with no tendency for competition. overall, in the light of the above-mentioned analysis regarding the question of whether being competitive is related to each person's
gender
, it appears to be true due to the effect of
gender
 on selecting childhood games as well as the existence difference between men's and
women
's salaries.
Submitted by m.shojai68 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: