Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

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Some say that the best way to succeed is

earning

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by earning

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lots of

money

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. Others insist that it is better to get success by contributing to society rather than it. I am to start to discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

both views below

this

Linking Words

sentence.

Money

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is an important key to

live

Wrong verb form

living

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in modern society, the amount of

money

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is very related to happiness. If we get a lot of

money

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, we can do many things we want,

also

Linking Words

it may be able to be respected by

public

Add an article

the public

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For example

Linking Words

, there are many people who do lotteries to acquire lots of

money

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In addition

Linking Words

, we can often see that those who are

rich

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a rich

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escape from economic difficulties

thus

Linking Words

it can be

showed

Wrong verb form

shown

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that they are quite relaxed. Through

this

Linking Words

effect, they are

Change the word

apply

show examples

easier to help the poor by giving

some

Correct pronoun usage

them some

show examples

money

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, I can tell that achievement or respect can become

Correct article usage

the results

show examples

results

Fix the agreement mistake

result

show examples

of winners and they are not able to be gotten by things like

economic

Correct article usage

the economic

show examples

part. People who contribute their own abilities to the public in the world have existed. Scientists,

for instance

Linking Words

, have developed many things which are necessary

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for

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our life. Thanks to them, most people have respected those who help to make a better life standard. To sum up, sometimes

money

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is a

center

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centre

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of success but sometimes contributing to the world is more successful. In my opinion, it is really hard to live without

money

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these days, so I firmly say that having a lot of

money

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is more important for success than contributing to society.

Submitted by shoep11 on Thu Feb 17 2022

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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