Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

Some say that the best way to succeed is

earning

Change preposition

by earning

show examples

lots of

money

. Others insist that it is better to get success by contributing to society rather than it. I am to start to discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

both views below

this

sentence.

Money

is an important key to

live

Wrong verb form

living

show examples

in modern society, the amount of

money

is very related to happiness. If we get a lot of

money

, we can do many things we want,

also

it may be able to be respected by

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

For example

, there are many people who do lotteries to acquire lots of

money

In addition

, we can often see that those who are

rich

Add an article

a rich

show examples

escape from economic difficulties

thus

it can be

showed

Wrong verb form

shown

show examples

that they are quite relaxed. Through

this

effect, they are

Change the word

apply

show examples

easier to help the poor by giving

some

Correct pronoun usage

them some

show examples

money

However

, I can tell that achievement or respect can become

Correct article usage

the results

show examples

results

Fix the agreement mistake

result

show examples

of winners and they are not able to be gotten by things like

economic

Correct article usage

the economic

show examples

part. People who contribute their own abilities to the public in the world have existed. Scientists,

for instance

, have developed many things which are necessary

Change the preposition

for

show examples

our life. Thanks to them, most people have respected those who help to make a better life standard. To sum up, sometimes

money

is a

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

of success but sometimes contributing to the world is more successful. In my opinion, it is really hard to live without

money

these days, so I firmly say that having a lot of

money

is more important for success than contributing to society.

Submitted by shoep11 on Thu Feb 17 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some believe that living in an apartment are advantageous, but other argue it in contrast. Discuss both views.

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement??

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.