IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagree?

#job #money
People
 are going to
work
 to earn
money
 in order to pay their living expenses.
Although
 it is essential that the payment
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 get can cover the expenses of their basic needs, how much
money
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 earn is not the most important thing about the
job
. Some
people
 do their
job
 are simply because they love their
job
; it doesn't necessarily provide them with a generous amount of
money
.
For example
, some
people
people
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
choose to be a teacher, even though the occupation does not come with a high payment. Most teachers prefer to do their
job
 because they like teaching and gain satisfaction by doing it. Many artists,
such
 as painters and singers,
also
 choose to
work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their field because they love what they are doing. Recent studies
also
 show that
people
 are not solely driven by how much
money
 they receive to pick and stay in their jobs. There are other factors that influence a
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
decision
Replace the word
decides
show examples
 to choose a
job
 over another. One example is the
work
 environment. Some
people
 might not be willing to
work
 in a toxic workplace despite the high earnings. Some
people
 might value flexibility more so they prefer a place that allows them to
work
 from home.
Although
 obtaining
money
 to pay daily needs is the main purpose of going to
work
, it is not the only reason for getting a
job
. There are a lot of factors that play roles in determining
people
's decision to choose a
job
.
Submitted by wsari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: