IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What’s the situation like in your country? What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time jobs?

#countries #teenagers #jobs #what’s #situation #country
It is true that nowadays in foreign countries
teenagers
 are encouraged to do part-time jobs. But in our
country
, it is not like that. In my following essay, I will discuss
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 issue. In fact, there is no
such
 thing in my
country
. Because in my
country
 the government cannot even employ adults.
Therefore
, in my
country
teenagers
 study and when they
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 to
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
 and get
diploma
Add an article
a diploma
show examples
 after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they start working, and
teenagers
 who could not get diploma will go to Russia. On the one hand,
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 part-time jobs is good. Because poor residents need finance for living exactly in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and other developed countries. And students must pay for study contract and they have to work for
this
.
Therefore
, part-time job completion is good for some people. As far as I am concerned, I did not see disadvantages of
this
 statement because doing
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
 job has only good sides.
For instance
,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who works every day can earn money for his family and that person is considered to be the best person because he is sacrificing his time for his family, it is better than sitting in the street and asking for alms. From my point of view, the
teenagers
 of other countries, namely
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 do part-time jobs are lucky, because they can earn finance for what they want to buy or do. It follows that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
 statement outweigh the disadvantages. (
Bobur
Correct your spelling
Bob
)
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: