Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

People
think that some of
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
, which are made by the manufacture,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
containing
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
of
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
sugar which affects our body health so it should be sold more pricey in order to acknowledge
people
to eat less sugar. In my point of view, I absolutely disagree with
this
statement because it will affect poor
people
and
also
everybody needs to take care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own.
First
of all, not all of
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
in
this
country are rich
people
. There are
also
individuals who have a minimum wage or even lower than the standard. If the manufactured
food
is sold
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
expensive price, it makes them burdened and even
more
Add a comma
,more
show examples
they will not have enough nutrition of
food
.
For example
, I have a
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
who
collect
Change the verb form
collects
show examples
plastic bottles
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
to earn money for
food
. He sometimes buys
food
from
Add an article
the convenient
a convenient
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
included in instant
food
. I cannot imagine how sad he is when the price of that
food
will be raised.
In addition
,
people
need to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
of themselves about taking
food
inside their body. They must understand that they are the controller of their own risk.
For instance
, I
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
write down any
food
that I
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
eat
Wrong verb form
eaten
show examples
on that day in order to know how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
calories
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I have
consume
Change the verb form
consumed
show examples
. It looks
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
very hard to do but we need to sacrifice to achieve a good thing. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant foods which contain high levels of sugar are no need to make it more expensive because it will burden poor
people
and
also
everybody
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to take care of her own health.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: