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Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents .Do you agree or disagree?

it is irrefutable that
parents
Use synonyms
 play an inescapable effect
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the upbringing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 in order to become successful in society. As far as my opinion is concerned, I fully
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 with the statement that
parents
Use synonyms
 are highly responsible for
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 progress. There are myriads of reasons to support the deep effects of the
parents
Use synonyms
 from whom to tom. It is so because the prenatal and postnatal period is very crucial for the better health of the newborn by the good eating habits of the mother.
Moreover
Linking Words
, toddlers and
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
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children
Use synonyms
 learn moral and ethical values from
parents
Use synonyms
 and grandparents which can help them in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 progress.
Also
Linking Words
, the positive attitude of the
parents
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 family relation influence
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour like caring, helping and loving nature towards other society members. It is well documented that in
poor class
Add a hyphen
poor-class
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families
Add a comma
families,
show examples
 the
children
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 are not provided with good education
due to
Linking Words
 financial instability still
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
show examples
 and mannerisms among these
children
Use synonyms
 are fair enough to adjust
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the community. Despite the greater impact of both
parents
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 upbringing ,other factors responsible for
children
Use synonyms
 brought up cannot be put on the back burner. The efficient educational system not only build up the student mentally but
also
Linking Words
 curricular activities help
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 to strengthen their physical health.
Besides
Linking Words
, the power of money
also
Linking Words
provides
Verb problem
plays
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 a great role in bringing up
children
Use synonyms
 by providing all the necessary requirements to fulfil human needs.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are highly responsible for making
children
Use synonyms
 successful or unsuccessful. In a nutshell , it can be reiterated that
although
Linking Words
 several factors are helpful in the upbringing of toddlers the role of mother and father cannot be substituted. It is a serious matter that requires
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
 attention of the lawmakers in order to sensitize
parents
Use synonyms
 and family members regarding ill effects during
nurturing
Correct article usage
the nurturing
show examples
 of the
children
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it can be a hard nut to crack.

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task response
Ensure that you address the essay prompt directly and present a well-structured and cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the essay in a more coherent manner, with clear introduction and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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