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Band 4

some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents .Do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #success #parents
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it is irrefutable that
parents
Use synonyms
 play an inescapable effect
on
Change preposition
in
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 the upbringing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 in order to become successful in society. As far as my opinion is concerned, I fully
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 with the statement that
parents
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 are highly responsible for
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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 progress. There are myriads of reasons to support the deep effects of the
parents
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 from whom to tom. It is so because the prenatal and postnatal period is very crucial for the better health of the newborn by the good eating habits of the mother.
Moreover
Linking Words
, toddlers and
school going
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school-going
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children
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 learn moral and ethical values from
parents
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 and grandparents which can help them in
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 progress.
Also
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, the positive attitude of the
parents
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between
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in
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 family relation influence
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 behaviour like caring, helping and loving nature towards other society members. It is well documented that in
poor class
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poor-class
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families
Add a comma
families,
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 the
children
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 are not provided with good education
due to
Linking Words
 financial instability still
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
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 and mannerisms among these
children
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 are fair enough to adjust
in
Change preposition
to
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 the community. Despite the greater impact of both
parents
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 upbringing ,other factors responsible for
children
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 brought up cannot be put on the back burner. The efficient educational system not only build up the student mentally but
also
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 curricular activities help
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
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 to strengthen their physical health.
Besides
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, the power of money
also
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provides
Verb problem
plays
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 a great role in bringing up
children
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 by providing all the necessary requirements to fulfil human needs.
However
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,
parents
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 are highly responsible for making
children
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 successful or unsuccessful. In a nutshell , it can be reiterated that
although
Linking Words
 several factors are helpful in the upbringing of toddlers the role of mother and father cannot be substituted. It is a serious matter that requires
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 attention of the lawmakers in order to sensitize
parents
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 and family members regarding ill effects during
nurturing
Correct article usage
the nurturing
show examples
 of the
children
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it can be a hard nut to crack.
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task response
Ensure that you address the essay prompt directly and present a well-structured and cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the essay in a more coherent manner, with clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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