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Band 4

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Rich
countries
 often give money to poorer
countries
,
in other words
, undeveloped
countries
such
 as Africa, but it does not solve poverty. As
finiancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 aid only tend to help temporarily.
Thus
, developed
countries
 should give other types of help to the poor
countries
 rather than that. Perhaps, in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and
education
system
.
Hence
, I strongly agreed
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the above statements. One of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to solve poverty is to help
third
-
wrold
Correct your spelling
world
countries
 to
developed
Change the form of the verb
develop
show examples
. The development of a country mainly
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on its
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
system
 and
education
system
.
Therefore
, rich
countries
 should help them with
these two
Change the determiner
this two system
these two systems
show examples
system
.
People
 may ask why
these two fact
Change the determiner
this two fact
these two facts
show examples
 among all the other systems. Well, in the simplest form, no business mean no jobs and even if there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 jobs but no educated
people
then
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not helpful at all.
FIrstly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
show examples
, to help
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
system
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful companies from developed
countries
 should extend to undeveloped ones.
For example
, a telecom company
expended
Correct your spelling
expanded
show examples
 in Burma which
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 only
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 its citizens with cheaper and better telecommunication but
also
 jobs
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 helped thousands of
people
 in Myanmar.
Secondly
, to help their
education
system
, educated
people
 from
first
-world
countries
 should help not only financially but
also
 physically.
for example
, just opening schools in those
countries
 that lack won't make any difference as
uneducated
Add an article
an uneducated
the uneducated
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 will be
incharge
Correct your spelling
in charge
 of the whole school. The better and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
show examples
 way is to actually teach them.
For example
, an educational charity organization lived for almost 2 years in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
pooriest
Correct your spelling
poorest
priest
 countryside of India and helped them not by just building schools for them but
also
 by teaching which
then
 lead to
bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
 out the teachers too. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, to solve poverty in undeveloped
countries
 one surely need financial support but
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 shouldn't be the main factor. As I've already
mention
Change the verb form
mentioned
show examples
 before,
finiancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 aid only
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 for
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
amoung
Correct your spelling
amount
among
 of time if
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is no strong
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
system
 and
education
system
.
Hence
, developed
countries
 should help in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and
education
system
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the poor
countries
.
Submitted by Zinnat Baygam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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