IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #face #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 socialise through the internet these days rather than meeting in person. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development because
this
Linking Words
 can lead to social isolation and will
also
Linking Words
 cause adjustment difficulties later in life. Socializing online brings about several negative impacts in life. One major negative impact socialising
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 brings is that it can lead to social isolation because it hinders real connections between
people
Use synonyms
. As human beings,
people
Use synonyms
 need to be in the presence of other individuals
such
Linking Words
 as family, friends and members of the community to make a real connection, which socialising through the
use
Use synonyms
 of social media applications cannot provide.
In addition
Linking Words
, another problem that social interaction
via
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online can bring is deception. One can easily deceive a person when interacting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and swindlers often
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 platform to extort money because
people
Use synonyms
 can just lie and
use
Use synonyms
 some other peoples image to attract their potential victims. Another negative development that socializing online brings is that
people
Use synonyms
 who
oftehn
Correct your spelling
often
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 platform will have difficulty in joining the community as they grow up. Because of the lack of true interaction, individuals
also
Linking Words
lacks
Change the verb form
lack
show examples
 the capacity of making connections to other
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 especially the younger ones might
finding
Change the verb form
find
be finding
show examples
 having actual conversations with someone difficult because they are so used to talking to others online. In conclusion, socializing online have a negative development because not only that it
encourages
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 the person to be isolated, it can
also
Linking Words
 cause difficulties
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to adjust later in their adult life when they are in the company of other
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maymosqueda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: