At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people

Nowadays, in some countries, the population of young adults have a relatively large number while older

people

are rarely at the same time. I completely think

this

phenomenon has more advantages than its disadvantages for the following reasons.

Firstly

, young

people

could contribute more power, knowledge and intelligence in various industries

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

Correct article usage

the elder

show examples

elder

Fix the agreement mistake

elders

show examples

This

is significant for the development of a

country

For example

, in China, many young students have the experience of studying abroad in another

country

compared to the

last

generation. Youth not just know new technology and academics, but

also

have the ability to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

build up

Add a hyphen

build-up

show examples

many new systems and opportunities for different working businesses and results to good economic.

Thus

, the evolution of a population of young adults definitely is a good thing for

country

evolvement.

Secondly

, young individuals have the capacity to help elder care and children

education

This

also

an extremely important main strength to our society.

For instance

, the young individuals demographic are a critical labour force for the public. They could have an effect on how to make good elder

people

care system and how to educate our

generation, thereby valuing our community.

Thirdly

however

, how to allocate young

people

in their right workplace and develop their value for society

also

is an important issue that government should consider

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

For example

, there are still

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

youths, even though they have good

education

careers, but they couldn’t find a job.

On the other hand

also

many young

people

that couldn’t have a good

education

might have a percentage in getting into a criminal.

Thus

, the government should contribute good guidance on young

people

that is

responsibility. To sum up, I think the population of some countries that have a large number of young adults, due to their good

education

, they will contribute various industries and develop our

country

In addition

, they

also

are an important labour force to our society.

Nevertheless

, the government should think about how to guide young

people

that make youth source carry out the value.

Submitted by littlekongmy on Tue Feb 22 2022

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

341 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Your opinion

In the contemporary workplace, some recruiter insist on prioritizing candidates with strong theoretical knowledge and academic background whilst others prefer employee with practical skills regarding applying experience can address the hurdle occured in the work

Students should pay all their fees while studying. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some argue that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should perform in the place where they accomplished their training, while others think that they should be allowed to work freely where they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.