IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Although some people believe that children should pursue employment, others think that students should study further education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #employment #students #study #education
Education is the foundation of a child's development. While many children think that labour should start at an early stage
on the other hand
 most parents believe that studying in higher education is the best for every kid.
although
 we know working at an early stage can benefit any child in numerous ways.
for example
; an intern learns about work culture and,
in addition
 to that, understands money management and financial matters. in most developed countries
such
 as America where offspring gets paid when they help in household chore3s which helps them to understand how difficult it is to earn money.
however
, when teenagers start working at an early, their mind gets diverted towards earning money which affects their academic scores. in my opinion, primarily a student should finish his
studies
.
in addition
 to it, nowadays, teenagers already occupied with numerous academic subjects, they hardly get to time to think about employment.
moreover
, if a teenager has to face a negative experience at his workplace, which will
consequently
 demotivate
a brilliant mins
Correct the article-noun agreement
brilliant mins
a brilliant min
show examples
 in opting for a job oriented career and can ruin his career. we are all aware that academic accomplishments play a crucial role in shaping the future of a child.
hence
, it is extremely to give ample for completing tertiary
studies
 as our primary duty. in conclusion, despite a few advantages of earning a salary
such
 as budgeting and savings before completing the
studies
, I firmly believe one should finish their
studies
first
 and
then
 look for the job as the academic qualifications will add beautiful feathers to their hat.
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: