IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

wheather or not someone achieve aim in their life is mostly a question of luck. do you agree or disagree?

#wheather #someone #aim #life #luck
It is considered by the number of
people
 that if a person accomplishes something in his
life
, it means that individual has good fortune.
However
, there are
also
 some
people
 who do not believe in destiny. As per my perspective,
people
 should not ignore their hard
work
. There is no
such
 thing called
luck
.
To begin
 with, there are a plethora of reasons due to which
people
 do not consider
luck
 in getting goals in
life
.
Firstly
, there is almost no wealthy person in the world who would believe in
luck
 because they knew that they have done an intensive amount of hard
work
 to achieve what they have today. It is always hard
work
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 pays off.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some
people
 acquire less because they
work
 less hard and vice versa but some
people
 call it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a Destiny.
Moreover
, if a person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not do anything and just depend on
luck
, thinking that he will acquire his goal one day,
that is
 wrong. It is apparent that he won't be getting anything without doing something.
Furthermore
, when
people
 achieve their goal after putting
lots
Change preposition
in lots
show examples
 of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 but other
people
 consider it
a
Remove the article
luck
a bit of luck
a stroke of luck
a piece of luck
show examples
luck
such
 things not only put themself in disbelief but
also
 they discredit that
persons
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 struggle and Hardwork. On Other Side,some
people
 easily achieve their ambitions without even putting
effort
Change preposition
in effort
show examples
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 instance, some rich kids do not need to earn money in their
life
 to obtain their desires because their ancestors have already done hard
work
 for them and made them wealthy.
Moreover
, believing in
luck
people
 can become dependent and lazy.
In addition
, they will start adding more myths to their
life
. It has
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
 that
Replace the word
most
show examples
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 poor countries believe in superstitions
that is
 why the population of
such
 countries are poor because they do not want to do anything in their
life
 to obtain their desires they just depend upon
luck
 and other beliefs. Overall I would like to already drive my opinion about
luck
 that
people
 do not believe in
such
 factors because they depend upon hard
work
. Believing in
such
 things leads to underdevelopment and laziness.
Submitted by sidhuruinder261 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: