IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Some
people
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 believe that enhancing human
lives
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 is the primary goal of scientific development. I agree with the statement but with some concerns. As the saying goes, "Necessity is the mother of invention."
People
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 are encouraged to solve the problem when there is a need. When it comes to the field of
science
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,
for instance
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, vaccines were invented to save countless
lives
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 when humans were suffering from deadly diseases, having a desire to find a method to prevent viruses harm the bodies. Another example is the development of communication devices. I believe that 50 years ago,
people
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 hardly expected a world where
people
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 could connect face to face despite a great distance from each other by a screen, and even carry out various activities on it with simple taps. From the examples above, it can be seen that
people
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 benefit from the progress of
science
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 to enhance life quality.
Although
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science
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 indeed has brought a more convenient and efficient future for humans, there are some worries that
people
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 need to keep an eye on. On the one hand, it is noticeable that
science
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 sometimes may be applied to danger. In World War Two, the atomic bomb was made to be used by the military to end the war, but taking a toll on
people
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's
lives
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.
Subsequently
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, the atomic bomb has become a weapon to threaten other countries not to attack its owner, resulting in a cold-war period in human history. Apart from making
people
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's
lives
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 better,
science
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 would lead to tragedies when it was misused in specific fields.
On the other hand
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, individuals may
be
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apply
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over-depend on the result of scientific improvement. Take ChatGPT
for example
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, its enormous database and algorithm enable individuals to solve almost any
problems
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problem
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 by inputting prompts;
however
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,
people
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 may lose the ability
of
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to
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 critical
thinking
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think
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, as they can get answers easily without trying by themselves. In conclusion, scientific development is going forward to improve
people
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's
lives
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, but it should be used wisely by individuals to avoid having an adverse effect on them.
Submitted by whitney10507 on

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you directly address the prompt in your introduction and consistently throughout the essay. Explicitly stating your position and how it relates to the prompt can make your argument clearer. Additionally, integrating a wider range of examples and ensuring they directly support your viewpoint can enrich your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with a logical flow of ideas and clear paragraphing. To further improve, consider using a wider variety of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Also, enhancing the introduction and conclusion with more unique insights related to the prompt can create a stronger and more memorable impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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