Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is believed that music can gather crowds of various ages and cultures together and

make

Verb problem

create

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a shared feeling among them. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion and believe that tune has the potential

of boosting

Change preposition

to boost

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peacefulness and tranquillity among societies. Music historically has been an inseparable part of ceremonies and traditional celebrations in different societies.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it has been an impressive means of expressing feelings and showing emotions shared between different generations and cultures.

For

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

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in most multi-cultural communities people used to share their

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

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by dancing and following the rhythm. Mostly in weddings or

new year’s

Correct your spelling

New Year’s

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parties, there have been plenty of popular songs and pieces that brought strangers together on a dance stage.

However

Linking Words

, we can not oversee the different tastes of the population in melody and dance

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

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cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

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us to not have completely one-handed communities of tune fans. Based on age groups, religion, or culture public may have a divided appetite for pieces of soul.

For instance

Linking Words

, in some strict religious groups singing and dancing may be forbidden.

Therefore

Linking Words

, not all populations of any

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

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and culture

nessecerily

Correct your spelling

necessarily

demonstrate a positive reaction to the rhythm. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there may be various tastes of melody among different generations or people of every culture might not have a positive intention to the music, its power in gathering the public together is undeniable. The more

this

Linking Words

art is introduced to the public, the more they are attracted to that. That's why pop stars become more and more popular every day.

nezakatyWed Feb 23 2022

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Task Achievement

Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the role of music in bringing people of different cultures and ages together. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and deeper analysis to support the arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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