Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is believed that music can gather crowds of various ages and cultures together and
make
a shared feeling among them. I strongly agree with Verb problem
create
this
opinion and believe that tune has the potential of boosting
peacefulness and tranquillity among societies.
Music historically has been an inseparable part of ceremonies and traditional celebrations in different societies. Change preposition
to boost
Moreover
, it has been an impressive means of expressing feelings and showing emotions shared between different generations and cultures. For
example
in most multi-cultural communities people used to share their Add a comma
example,
feeling
by dancing and following the rhythm. Mostly in weddings or Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
new year’s
parties, there have been plenty of popular songs and pieces that brought strangers together on a dance stage.
Correct your spelling
New Year’s
However
, we can not oversee the different tastes of the population in melody and dance that
Correct pronoun usage
which
cause
us to not have completely one-handed communities of tune fans. Based on age groups, religion, or culture public may have a divided appetite for pieces of soul. Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
For instance
, in some strict religious groups singing and dancing may be forbidden. Therefore
, not all populations of any ages
and culture Fix the agreement mistake
age
nessecerily
demonstrate a positive reaction to the rhythm.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
necessarily
although
there may be various tastes of melody among different generations or people of every culture might not have a positive intention to the music, its power in gathering the public together is undeniable. The more this
art is introduced to the public, the more they are attracted to that. That's why pop stars become more and more popular every day.Submitted by nezakaty on
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Task Achievement
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the role of music in bringing people of different cultures and ages together. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and deeper analysis to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.