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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries.

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries.
#tables #information #sales #coffee #bananas #five #european #countries
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The tables provide information about
sales
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 of two
fairtrade-labbelled
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fairtrade-labelled
 products, coffee and
bananas
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 in 5 European
countries
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, in 1999 and 2004.Owing to data,
sales
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 are presented in
millions
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 of
euros
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. It is clearly seen from the data that
between
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among
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 all
european
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European
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countries
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,
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and
Switzerland
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 are presented
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as the most important buyers of coffee and banana, which
purchase
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 significantly
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 between 1999 and 2004.   To start with coffee, in 1999 there were slight variations in
sales
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 amongst five
countries
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. The most noticeable
sales
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 were done to
Switzeraland
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Switzerland
valuated
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evaluated
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 3
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millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
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. Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
2004,
sales
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 increased slightly in Denmark, Belgium and Sweden.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commerce
were
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was
show examples
 doubled in
Switzerland
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, 6
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Fix the agreement mistake
million
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millions
Correct your spelling
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to 3
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1999 and skyrocketed in
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, 18
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
euros
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 more than in 1999.   In turn to
bananas
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, in 1999 there were slight fluctuations in
sales
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 between
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Belgium, Sweden and Denmark. Most remarkable was
Switzerland
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, the principal buyer of
bananas
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, which
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purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 were
valueted
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evaluated
valued
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 15M. In 2004, some
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as Sweden and Denmark suffered
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
 decrease in
banana’s
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banana
show examples
Use synonyms
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
countries
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 like
Switzerland
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,
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and Belgium
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 their
purchase
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 in 32M, 4,5M and 3,4M  of
euros
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 respectively. Being
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Switzerland
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 the most important in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of
bananas
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both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
 years.  
To sum up
Linking Words
, in 1999
Switzerland
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 was the major consumer of both products.
However
Linking Words
, in 2004
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was the most important
coffee’s
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coffee
show examples
 client and
Switzerland
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 in
Bananas
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.
Submitted by eugenia.naz12 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, bananas, countries, millions, euros, uk, switzerland, purchase, m with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fairtrade sales
  • significant growth
  • trends and patterns
  • market expansion
  • sustainable consumption
  • ethical products
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • percentage increase
  • market share
  • profit margins
  • trade initiatives
  • consumer behavior
  • retail figures
  • economic indicators
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