IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The most important element in a person’s life is their work. Without a satisfying career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that
life
Use synonyms
 will be worthless without a satisfying career and see jobs as the most important element.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea to a
little
Correct word choice
certain
show examples
 extent.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, happiness is more important than work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the reason for living or being alive is more meaningful.
Firstly
Linking Words
, happiness is more crucial than work.
job
Correct article usage
The job
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 is for survival,
is
Verb problem
apply
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to earn enough money in order to support the family, to support the daily spending. Many
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are suffering from heavy
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
. But
life
Use synonyms
 is not only about working, but it is
also
Linking Words
 more about enjoyment and belongings. Other elements
such
Linking Words
 as family, hobbies or amusement can fill in the livelihood and bring more happiness and colour the
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
 can be meaningless without a satisfying career. As working is an action, it does not contain feelings or results. A person can not enjoy his
life
Use synonyms
 unless he understands what
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
he effort
Correct word order
effort he
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 for or the purpose of working.
For example
Linking Words
, somebody works for money
while
Linking Words
 others work for their dream, it may be hard for an artist to
acts
Wrong verb form
act
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 as a businessman.
Therefore
Linking Words
, jobs out of position could cool down the passion and interest
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 without
those
Correct determiner usage
that
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 passion,
soul
Correct article usage
the soul
show examples
 can be dim and hopeless. In conclusion,
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 is not the only part of living
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 a satisfying career can
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more passionate. In my opinion, enjoying
life
Use synonyms
 is the most significant reason for being alive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 society can have an easier
life
Use synonyms
 with the aim.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
life
Use synonyms
 can be more meaningful and interesting by combining
variable
Correct word choice
various
show examples
 components.

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Task Response
Be clear on your view at the start. State if you fully or partly agree in one line.
Task Response
Add one or two clear examples to show what you mean.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make each paragraph hold one main idea and keep a simple flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use simple linking words (first, then, finally) to show order.
Content
You show the idea that happiness can be part of life beyond work.
Structure
You try to link work with life meaning, and you keep ideas related to the task.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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