IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

#trend #world #couples #children
Many married couples globally decided
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
children
 after
marriage
Add an article
the marriage
a marriage
show examples
 has its disadvantages, as well as its advantages for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial and freedom.
Although
 it comes along with a disadvantage that they do not have anybody to
support
 them physically in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age. On the one hand, some couples argue that, the decision of having
children
outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
.
Firstly
, the fear of
losing
Replace the word
loss
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their freedom, financial and sacrificing for their happiness
such
 as
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 up late, getting up early because parents have no experience in how to take care of babies and that will increase the responsibility of parents towards their
children
also
 increase the
feel
Replace the word
feeling
show examples
 of worry.
Moreover
, the couple tends to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure time with each other.
For example
, they would spend on travelling around the world and discovering new places.
On the other hand
, despite the fact that having
children
 has a greater impact, which is that you do not have any
support
 by your side when you are old.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 most old people need physical
support
.
Furthermore
, especially their bodies do not allow them to perform all activities
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cooking, shopping, cleaning and sometimes even walking, they require their
children
 to insist them in
this
 period of life.
Therefore
, most of those who have not had
children
 struggle in their old age
such
 as loneliness and
support
.
For instance
, according to childless old people find it extremely difficult to cope with their daily lives because their bodies have little strength and they have nobody to
support
 them. In conclusion,
although
 choosing to be childless will bring freedom and financial advancement,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
no one
there
Add a missing verb
is there
show examples
 to
support
 them physically, which will make their life meaningless during their old age.
Submitted by gorgeousnf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childfree
  • personal freedom
  • financial stress
  • raising children
  • nurturing the relationship
  • societal pressure
  • stigma
  • support network
  • companionship
  • legacy
  • regret
  • intimate bond
  • norm
  • invest in experiences
  • close-knit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: