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Band 7

Nowadays more and more people are becoming obese and less involved in sporting activities. What do you think are the causes and possible effects of this problem?

#people #activities #effects
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In modern society, many
people
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 are less likely to enjoy sports and the number of obese
people
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 is increasing gradually. In my opinion, there are two possible reasons; the lack of well-balanced diets and a busy lifestyle.
As a result
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, these two harmful habits may lead to a shorter lifespan and amplify the social disparity. These days, the number of works and the complexity of each job are much larger than the past
time
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 and individuals spend their
time
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 only dealing with
such
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 works.
Thus
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, they may not have enough
time
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 to do sports activities. At the same
time
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, their insufficient
time
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 for eating meals can make them choose fast food, which typically does not contain sufficient nutrients for staying healthy.
Consequently
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, in the future, it might be possible that
people
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's longevity becomes shorter than the current society if
this
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 situation continues. Because, in general, it is recognized that a strong correlation exists between
people
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's lifetime and the frequency of going to the gym.
Furthermore
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, it should be noticed that whether an individual considers their health or not may widen the social gap.
For example
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, if parents regard staying healthy as one of the essential things of life, their children can
also
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 become to take care of themselves,
However
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, vice versa,
that is
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, if
people
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 do not care about their health, their kids would not do. In conclusion, the latent reasons why
people
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 in the current world tend not to be obese and not to do sports are a hectic lifestyle and ill-balanced foods, and these two have a negative impact on an individual's lifespan and social equality.
Submitted by hayamiosaki on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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