IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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Currently, in many countries, the
age
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 at which
people
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 stop paid
work
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 tends to be between 55 and 65. In the past, with few
people
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 living beyond the
age
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 of 80, it was rare for anybody to enjoy more than 20 years of
retirement
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.
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However
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,However
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 nowadays, that figure is much more likely to be 30, or even 40 years.
This
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 is often cited as a reason for requiring
people
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 to
work
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 to a later
age
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. Advocates of
this
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 point of view claim that it is extremely expensive to support
people
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 for so long in
retirement
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. Pensions are paid for partly by
people
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 in their working lives, but today pension schemes usually yield far less money than necessary because they were designed to maintain
people
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 for much shorter periods. Increasingly, it is argued, the burden falls on younger
people
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 who end up working harder to pay for the enjoyment and relaxation of the old in their extended
retirement
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.
This
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, they say, is fundamentally unfair.
Although
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 I acknowledge the validity of
this
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 argument, I believe it is outweighed by two very powerful
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counter-arguments
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counter arguments
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counterarguments
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.
Firstly
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, when older
people
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 retire later they deprive young
people
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 of the opportunity to
work
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 and develop professionally.
Secondly
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, I believe that
people
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 aren't just valuable members of society when they are earning money. Retired
people
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 can contribute a great deal through sharing in family responsibilities
such
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 as child care, and
also
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 in the wider community, by doing voluntary
work
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. I think we should maintain the current
retirement
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age
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 and allow
people
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 to flourish in different ways when they finish paid employment.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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