IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
Currently, in many countries, the
age
 at which
people
 stop paid
work
 tends to be between 55 and 65. In the past, with few
people
 living beyond the
age
 of 80, it was rare for anybody to enjoy more than 20 years of
retirement
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 nowadays, that figure is much more likely to be 30, or even 40 years.
This
 is often cited as a reason for requiring
people
 to
work
 to a later
age
. Advocates of
this
 point of view claim that it is extremely expensive to support
people
 for so long in
retirement
. Pensions are paid for partly by
people
 in their working lives, but today pension schemes usually yield far less money than necessary because they were designed to maintain
people
 for much shorter periods. Increasingly, it is argued, the burden falls on younger
people
 who end up working harder to pay for the enjoyment and relaxation of the old in their extended
retirement
.
This
, they say, is fundamentally unfair.
Although
 I acknowledge the validity of
this
 argument, I believe it is outweighed by two very powerful
Add a hyphen
counter-arguments
show examples
counter arguments
Correct your spelling
counterarguments
show examples
.
Firstly
, when older
people
 retire later they deprive young
people
 of the opportunity to
work
 and develop professionally.
Secondly
, I believe that
people
 aren't just valuable members of society when they are earning money. Retired
people
 can contribute a great deal through sharing in family responsibilities
such
 as child care, and
also
 in the wider community, by doing voluntary
work
. I think we should maintain the current
retirement
age
 and allow
people
 to flourish in different ways when they finish paid employment.
Submitted by ieltswritingcheckp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: