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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches.

#people #school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university #approaches
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Currently, there is much
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discussion with regard to
Use synonyms
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
show examples
year
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 of
students
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. It is argued that some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 believe that before the teenager will study at the university need to have
Use synonyms
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 experience.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people believe that should learn the university before
work
Use synonyms
 or travel. Actually,there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of advantages about the juvenile
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 the
passion
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 or
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to do something that correctly choices but there is
disadvantage
Add an article
a disadvantage
show examples
 which can not be overlooked
such
Linking Words
 as when
students
Use synonyms
work
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 and have to decide
sometime
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 maybe incorrect way because of without
knowleage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 topic
such
Linking Words
 as experiences out of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
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 of teenagers.
Accaully
Correct your spelling
Actually
, there are a
lot
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 of
students
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
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 not understand
theirselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and do not have a dream in their life or some people do not have a
passion
Use synonyms
 for
next
Linking Words
 step
in
Add the comma(s)
, in this case,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of problem in Thailand.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers select the
facaulty
Correct your spelling
faculty
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 major is accepted from social so
students
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 just learn for
granduate
Correct your spelling
graduate
 but do not have
Use synonyms
passion
Add an article
a passion
the passion
show examples
 or really dream
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
Thus
Linking Words
 the
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 will help
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who want
ot
Correct your spelling
to
 find
passion
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there are a
lot
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 of disadvantages.For
instease
Correct your spelling
instance
instead
, a
lot
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 of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
work
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 when
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 and
work
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 they have to decide the problem.
However
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, they do not have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 which is not enough for
revise
Wrong verb form
revising
show examples
turible
Correct your spelling
terrible
 situations.
Futuremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 have to come back to study with
junior
Fix the agreement mistake
juniors
show examples
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
would
Correct pronoun usage
who would
show examples
 like to find
passion
Use synonyms
 so they have to try
Use synonyms
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 and learn education out of school.In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of people
decide
Correct pronoun usage
who decide
show examples
 worse because they are too young for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
.
Submitted by suchaya211 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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