In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion.

#countries #world #life #expectancy #situation

Nowadays it seems because of developing science and technology and increasing the availability of medical care

people

can live longer term than in the past. The higher life expectancy has both pros and cons and I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The following essay will look into both aspects and outline my opinion.

Firstly

The main advantage of rising life expectancy is that

people

have much more time to provide better support and guidance to their families. It means

while

people

are alive their existence of them can be valuable and helpful for other family members.

Moreover

, the person can pursue his/her dreams and spend time for favourites after retirement. As they are younger it is apparently difficult to do some activities

such

as art, sport, national or international journey and even

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commercial works

however

it gives them the opportunities to do these.

On the other hand

, one negative aspect of living more years is that the elderly population require more attention than other members, But Sometimes It’s really difficult ,particularly for a small family.

In addition

, governments must invest much more in health services for the elderly.

Moreover

people

are retiring later which means fewer jobs are available. It means governors must think about their employment. In conclusion, there are lots of positive and negative points with increasing life expectancy. Availability of more support and guidance and chasing the dreams are two significant pros and

requires

Correct subject-verb agreement

require

show examples

more attention and health

caring

Replace the word

care

show examples

are cons of that.

However

as a result

I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Submitted by aminyari888 on Fri Feb 25 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and provide a strong thesis statement. Your essay lacks a clear thesis and does not effectively introduce and conclude the main points.

task achievement

Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Additionally, ensure that your examples directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of increasing life expectancy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

life expectancy
demographics
societal development
healthcare system
pension funds
multigenerational
workforce
economic sustainability
intergenerational inequality
longevity
proactive policy
geriatrics
senior citizens
ageing population
fertility rates
dependency ratio

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