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Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion.

#countries #world #life #expectancy #situation
Nowadays it seems because of developing science and technology and increasing the availability of medical care
people
 can live longer term than in the past. The higher life expectancy has both pros and cons and I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The following essay will look into both aspects and outline my opinion.
Firstly
 The main advantage of rising life expectancy is that
people
 have much more time to provide better support and guidance to their families. It means
while
people
 are alive their existence of them can be valuable and helpful for other family members.
Moreover
, the person can pursue his/her dreams and spend time for favourites after retirement. As they are younger it is apparently difficult to do some activities
such
 as art, sport, national or international journey and even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commercial works
however
 it gives them the opportunities to do these.
On the other hand
, one negative aspect of living more years is that the elderly population require more attention than other members, But Sometimes It’s really difficult ,particularly for a small family.
In addition
, governments must invest much more in health services for the elderly.
Moreover
,
people
 are retiring later which means fewer jobs are available. It means governors must think about their employment. In conclusion, there are lots of positive and negative points with increasing life expectancy. Availability of more support and guidance and chasing the dreams are two significant pros and
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 more attention and health
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 are cons of that.
However
as a result
 I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by aminyari888 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and provide a strong thesis statement. Your essay lacks a clear thesis and does not effectively introduce and conclude the main points.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Additionally, ensure that your examples directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of increasing life expectancy.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • demographics
  • societal development
  • healthcare system
  • pension funds
  • multigenerational
  • workforce
  • economic sustainability
  • intergenerational inequality
  • longevity
  • proactive policy
  • geriatrics
  • senior citizens
  • ageing population
  • fertility rates
  • dependency ratio
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