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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past people used to wear their traditional clothes depending on their culture. Nowadays the trend is changing and people wear different clothes. Is it a positive or negative development? How does it affect certain societies and people’s behaviour?

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The role of
clothes
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 these days might define who you are,
which
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and which
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 social
class
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 you belong to.
That is
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 the reason why
people
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 try to be iconic through their
clothes
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 and their styles. It is widely believed that changing from traditional
clothes
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 which
people
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 used to wear in the past to different
clothes
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 like nowadays is negative. From my perspective,
this
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 trend can be said to have positive influences on humans with a number of reasons which will be outlined in
this
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 essay. It's true that some attempt to express their sense of national pride by dressing traditionally. With the purpose of
class
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 distinction in the past,
people
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 tried to separate those kinds of
clothes
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.
For instance
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, females of the upper
class
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 in Vietnam used various styles of "Ao ba ba" to indicate their social status.
People
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 back
then
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 would be judged by society and considered weird if they dressed differently. Perhaps it was the constraints on how to dress in the past that forced
people
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 to dress
according to
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 a certain standard.
On the other hand
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, there are numerous benefits that
people
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 have the
right
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 to choose or wear everything they want.
First,
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the freedom
people
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 can receive not only justice through many wars but
also
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 the
right
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 to change their own appearances.
Additionally
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,
this
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 pattern increases financial gain for the fashion industry since it allows
people
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 to dress in a variety of ways independent of their nationality or social status.
Consequently
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, no matter who you are or what social
class
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 you are in, you still have the
right
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 to choose and wear what you like. In conclusion, from my viewpoint,
this
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 trend has positive effects on society and the fairness between individuals.
Last
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 but not least, being able to make our own decisions about our health, body and sexual life is a basic human
right
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.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support key points. Consider providing diverse examples from various cultures or historical contexts to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next one. Incorporate transitional phrases and signposts to improve the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets a clear stance and outlines what the essay will discuss, which helps to frame the reader's expectations well.
logical structure
Key points are logically structured and each paragraph addresses a clear aspect of the argument.
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